Let's overturn these tables

There’s a quiet revival of faith among younger adults, they say. I’ve written about it myself. Twice.

Younger men, particularly are said to be coming to church for the first time, making this demographic highest for attendance when previously it was lowest.

There is a growing belief in God among younger adults and a sense of being loved by God.

These statistics are encouraging for Christians who believe in the church. But I have observed another trend emerging here in Australia that should be of concern to churches.

---

Still haven’t found what they’re looking for

I know, or have met, many people who have given up on regular church attendance, or are considering it, because they can’t find a church they think is worth attending.

These aren’t just rebellious young adults or bitter old retirees, but former worship leaders and musicians, ex-pastors and ministry leaders, parents of young children and empty nesters.

Many of them no longer accept the old pressure of being told they should stay with the church because they shouldn’t separate from God’s people. They think maybe the church needs to change, not them (so much).

Some stop attending, some meet in smaller groups of fellow dissidents, some continue but with reduced commitment.

So what’s leading to this response?

Ten reasons people give up church

I have observed people coming to this place of dissatisfaction with church via many different experiences and commitments. I offer these observations without expressing an opinion on them (mostly!).

1. Mistreatment leads to mistrust

It isn’t news that churches can be unsafe places for vulnerable people. For the people I’m thinking of, it isn’t the awful cases of sexual abuse, but the lower level mistreatment than can come from pastors and leaders who over-use their power.

Women can feel like middle aged white men with a small amount of power haven’t respected them. More sensitive people can feel they have been pushed aside.

And so trust is lost. People who feel this way find it difficult to attend a church service where they see a power imbalance, with the person in charge making them feel insecure.

Preaching is a particular example of power, influence and one-way communication that negatively affects some people, especially if the preacher seems to especially enjoy his (it’s nearly always his!) position.

2. Pastors out of touch with culture

Many pastors live in an unfortunate bubble. They trained at Bible college, they work each day with committed staff, they mix a lot with their peers. Many have never worked for an extended period in a secular job. Most people treat them differently because they are pastors.

Their specialised training and experience enable them to take on their ministry, but it can also mean they’re cut off from the world that most people live in. This means that they may not understand the pressures and challenges facing the members of their congregations, and they may place unrealistic expectations on them. It can also lead to teaching that isn’t always relevant.

Pastors who listen to their congregations can overcome these difficulties, but other pastors can become irrelevant or even hurtful to some people.

3. Impossible demands

Sometimes the pastor is in a bind. He may want to do things differently, but his congregation is paying his wages, and they have expectations. While some people are disturbed by leadership power, others want to be consumers and out-source their spiritual growth to the pastor.

This can lead to expectations that are impossible for the pastor to fulfil, and noisy critical people being heard while others miss out. This can be a turn-off for sensitive people or those looking for a vibrant community.

4. Spirituality vs program

Churches have to run programs that cater for a wide range of people. The services have to have general appeal if they want to keep the numbers up. And all this requires organisation, planning, rosters and time limits.

But some people want something less structured, more spiritual and reflective. They want depth rather than breadth. Your standard church service doesn’t appeal very much. So they may try going to the occasional retreat, using a meditation podcast at home, or just going to the beach or the forest to be in touch with God.

Other people are just bored with the same old, same old.

5. Bible experts

You can find on the internet teaching by experts in any type of topic and theology that interests you. They will likely be more expert and better communicators than your average local pastor, that’s how they’ve gained a following online.

It’s hardly the pastor’s fault, but if someone really values “solid” treaching, skipping church and listening to a podcast while going for a walk may suit them better.

6. Tough teachings

Time was, the pastor and priest really knew more than everyone else, so the congregation listened and believed what they were told. But these days people can learn a lot from reading and internet. And all sorts of alternative beliefs are out there.

So people are more wiling to question what they have been taught, and more capable of doing it. As a result, many Christians are reconsidering their beliefs.

Doctrines like eternal conscious torment in hell, the divine commands to exterminate Canaanite tribes, Christian exclusivism, election/Calvinism, Biblical inerrancy and God’s wrath are being questioned like never before.

If churches hold some of these tough teachings and teach them uncompromisingly as essential doctrines, some peope feel forced to quit. They may give up their faith entirely, or continue to believe in an uncommitted way, or meet up with an informal online or face-to-face like-minded group.

7. Loving our neighbours

Love of neighbour, which included caring for the poor and the marginalised, was a large part of Jesus’ teaching and ministry – larger, generally, than in most churches. Some churches argue that “preaching the gospel” is a higher priority, perhaps the only priority, effectively watering down Jesus’ teachings.

Christians who feel convicted about doing justice and mercy through care for people in need and advocacy against injustice can feel quite alienated by churches which don’t offer or even allow such activities.

8. Seek first the kingdom

Sadly, some churches can seem more like religious clubs than outposts of the kingdom of God. They seem happy the way they are. Everyone knows everyone else and change isn’t really welcomed. Christians really committed to following Jesus and serving may find they just have to leave and go elsewhere.

9. Politics

It used to be a given that we should keep politics out of church, lest we alienate half the congegation. But some Christians feel that politics is about ethics and love for neighbour, and so can’t be avoided.

So some congregations will be turned off by social action they feel is left wing and “woke”. Other Christians will feel conservative Christian support for Christian nationalism and policies that lead to violence and discrimination to be contrary to the teachings of Jesus.

I haven’t heard of anyone leaving a church because of the former, but certainly the latter is causing some Christians to re-think their church membership and denominational loyalty.

10. Gender equality

The traditional Christian view gender roles, whether it be the role of women in church and family or the treatment of gay and trans people, is now out of step with western society.

Most churches and many Christians believe they should hold the traditional line. Some do it lovingly, but others do it insensitively and even hatefully.

But many Christians believe the traditional Bible interpretations are no longer applicable. Some are queer themselves, many others have queer friends who they see alienated by the church.

This feeling or even strong conviction that the church should be different is a reason why many are looking for a different type of church.

Knowing and responding

Those are observations. Do they merit any response?

You may not agree with many, or any, of these issues. Or you may recognise some of them but have little sympathy.

But I can’t think they’re going away any time soon.

So it may be helpful to consider if churches could take them into account.

Eight helpful responses

Pastors, leaders and lay Christians can help their church be a place where more people can find what they’re looking for.

1. Listen

It may be tempting for a pastor to think everything can be solved by good teaching. But communication requires understanding the hearer. And understanding starts with listening. Especially listening without judgment.

2. Be kind, be safe, be patient

Take things easy, make things easy. Be the person people feel comfortable with. React to situations peacefully. Not always easy to do (I sometimes find it difficult!). But worth it.

Some people have been traumatised by church or by life. They may react unexpectedly to situations if they feel unsafe in any way. If we’ve listened and understood, we may be able to avoid situations or words that may trigger a reaction. We can reassure.

Give people time and space.

3. Be representative

In many churches, the leadership isn’t representative of the congregation. Leadership may be dominated by middle aged, middle class white men. Non white, female, First Nations, younger or poorer people may not see anyone up the front who looks like them. They may feel out of place or unwelcome.

It can be really helpful to make sure that a wide demographic can be seen in leadership, leading services, leading groups and ministries. Not just token, but genuine inclusion because we want everyone to feel valued.

4. Identify non-core teachings

There are some basics that are the core of Christian belief and practice. But many other doctrines we know are “non-core”, not a “salvation issue”. They may be traditional or precious in a denomination but we know that in the age to come they won’t separate us.

So why allow them to separate us now? A denomination can maintain its doctrinal distinctives (if it feels it needs to) without imposing them on everyone or arguing with or separating from those who think differently.

It is possible to disagree about non-core doctrines without making an issue of it, and allowing dissidents to feel comfortable and welcome.

5. Encourage diverse gifts

Maybe your church is a worshiping church, or a teaching church, or a community-serving church. But whatever is the emphasis, there are likely people with gifts in other areas. If God has given those people and gifts, they are meant to be used.

A diversity of programs will do this. This will broaden the ministries of the church and encourage people with those gifts to stay rather than look elsewhere.

6. Be relevant

If a church’s teaching is theoretical, systematic and theological, it risks being irrelevant to the life issues people are facing. And people can find the same teaching online. It’s helpful if people feel the pastor understands their lives, is listening to their questions and is aware of what is going on in the culture around about. Doctrine and theology can still be included, and then it will be seen as more relevant.

7. Be honest

There are problems and difficulties with all different Christian theologies and with the Bible itself. It can be tempting to try to present a confident united front when teaching, glossing over problematic aspects, hoping no-one will notice.

But these days some people will notice and some people will be troubled. And so they’ll lose trust if they see the issues being avoided and questions being shut down.

I think this particularly occurs in apologetics. When defending our faith, we can look uncritically for answers to doubts, and end up presenting arguments and “facts” that aren’t really honest or true. This eases the way for some, but creates problems for others.

Let’s teach people it is OK to question and doubt and to seek answers. And help them find honest answers that will last with them.

8. Be open to new understandings

Christianity has changed and morphed and developed over its two millennia. I suppose we all like to think we have reached a high point in our doctrinal understanding and practice.

But have any of us got it 100% right? Has the Holy Spirit nothing left to teach us? Is it only everyone else who needs to get their act together?

Being humble and open-minded is integral to all the other ways we can make our churches places where individuals, creative thinkers, dissidents and troubled souls can be welcome and comfortable.

A church that cares

A church that cares for people will be sensitive to these types of issues. And hopefully be a place where people don’t feel they have to leave, and newcomers, however different, will feel at home.

Those are some of my observations. You may have observed something different. Please feel free to comment.

Graphic: Keith Montgomery (with some modifications!)

---

Read more