Let's overturn these tables

There’s a loneliness epidemic in many countries, they say. People are feeling lonely like never before.

Does the church have a part to play in this situation? Are there people we could be caring for, or welcoming?

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Loneliness, 2025

The statistics aren’t always consistent, but it is clear that many people, especially in first world countries, are feeling lonely a lot of the time.

• About one sixth of the world’s people are affected by loneliness most of the time, and a similar number may be affected some of the time. In some countries half the population feels lonely sometimes.
• Loneliness affects some groups more than others. For example, young adults, sexual minorities, the unemployed, people in poor mental or physical health, unmarried or divorced people and those suffering social or economic disadvantage.
• The number of lonely people seems to be increasing, maybe slowly, maybe suddenly.

Various causes have been identified:

• In the past century, the number of single person households worldwide has trebled from less than 10% to almost 30%.
• High social media use can increase loneliness because it reduces face-to-face relationships and can make people feel rejected or inferior.
• Many people live increasingly busy lives – e.g. longer working hours & working from home, single parents – which can leave them socially isolated.
• Certain segments of the population – e.g. people who are unmarried or unemployed, with poor mental or physical health, from an ethnic or other minority, or experiencing social or economic disadvantage may all feel more lonely because of prejudice, rejection or simply having smaller social circles.

Loneliness and lack of a sense of belonging can have significant impacts on wellbeing:

• Physical health: blood pressure, stroke, diabetes.
• Mental health: anxiety, depression, self harm.

Lonely people are our neighbours

Statistically it is more than likely that we will know people who feel lonely at times. You may even feel lonely yourself.

So they are neighbours who Jesus called us to love.

There are many ways we can help neighbours, family, work colleagues or friends who are feeling disconnected and lonely. For example: cultivate empathy, tolerate and celebrate difference, don’t make belonging to your social group conditional on allegiance to a political or religious viewpoint, and look out for neighbours and acquaintances and include them where you can.

But what is the church’s role in caring for the lonely?

The church and loneliness

The church “remains one of the only places where people from different generations, income levels and life stages are invited into the same space — not just to consume, but to care.”

Hopefully we can add different races, different levels of mental and physical health and disability, different political persuasions and even different genders and sexualities.

So the church can be a place where solitary people can be set into families (Psalm 68:6).

In fact studies show that regular church attendance can have beneficial effects on health and wellbeing.

1. Changing attitudes?

Churches, like any other human groupings or institutions, can develop cultures that are strong in some aspects and weaker in others.

So congregations may have strong fellowship and relationships which may be harder for newcomers to break into. Or they may emphasise evangelism so that visitors feel like they are targets rather than welcome newcomers.

So if churches are to effectively welcome visitors, some attitudes may need to change.

• Build a culture of compassion and empathy.
• Grow a welcoming environment. Bring down the walls that exclude.
• Build community, encouragement and caring.
• Recognise and treat all people as made in the image of God, with worth and dignity, not as numbers or scalps or distractions.

2. Taking steps

These things don’t just happen, they need to be taught, modelled and regularly reinforced.

• Set up intentional welcoming processes.
• Motivate and train the whole congregation to look out for newcomers and welcome them. And not be shocked or put off by behaviour differences. And to avoid valuing people according to how attractive and interesting we find them.
• Set up the spaces in the church building so they encourage hanging around and spending time with others.
• Encourage interaction between congregation members at specific times during church services, via introduction or “passing the peace” times, or brief discussions of issues raised in the teaching time.
• Set up pastoral care and mentoring processes to ensure no-one falls through the cracks.
• Encourage and train small groups to welcome and encourage newcomers, especially the lonely.
• Find ways to help people feel connected through acticities and times that they can comfortably attend and build new relastionships.
• Make special precautions for the vulnerable – the disabled, traumatised, shy, different ethnicity, mentally unwell, etc.
• Consider how “outreach” or connection with the wider community can attract the lonely and disconnected and provide them with safe small steps into the church community.

Single friendly

Churches can so celebrate marriage and parenthood that single people (and childless couples) can feel excluded and disconnected. This website suggests approaches that would be helpful to single people and help remove the stigma of loneliness:

• Treat people as individuals, not defined by their relationship status.
• Run social events that aren’t just for families – e.g. arrange a meal out, start a hobby group.
• Encourage families to include them – invite them around.
• Highlight alternative living arrangements.
• Don’t tell them God should be enough.
• Consider running a church holiday.

3. Recognise why congregation members may be lonely

• People with unseen illnesses cannot always attend church services, which makes it hard to connect with others.
• People who have less in a middle class congregation may feel like they are the only ones.
• Divorced people have lost not only their spouses, but their identity as well
• The grieving person feels alone, even in a crowd.
• Some people don’t feel safe enough to connect, especially if they have experienced some life trauma.
• Some people are simply shy, introverted or lacking confidence.

Loneliness and “the gospel”

Many churches (not all, sadly) rightly see the importance of helping people make the choice to believe in Jesus and follow him. Unfortunately this can lead them to devalue simply loving their neighbours. Activities and conversations that don’t lead to evangelistic opportunitiesare seen as less important.

(I suspect it is more often the pastors and paid staff who see things this way, not so much the ordinary people who live in the world every day, but that’s another story ….)

But Jesus didn’t tell us to only love those neighbours who were evangelistic opportunities. The Good Samaritan didn’t try to evangelise the beaten up traveller.

Caring for the lonely is a response to Jesus’ commands, especially in the parable in Matthew 25:31-46, which included “I was a stranger and you invited me in”.

Ironically, if we love people unconditionally, whether they respond to the gospel or not, they are more likely to respond over time. Genuineness and superficiality can be recognised after a while.

As the saying goes, “first they belong, then they believe”. It doesn’t always happen of course, but if we make our churches havens for the lonely and genuinely welcome and include newcomers, I think Jesus will be pleased and some newcomers will stay.

References

• Loneliness vs belonging. On another of my blogs, Is There a God?
• How the Church Can Help Fight the Loneliness Epidemic. Faith Activist.
• 6 Great Ways Churches Can Help Members with Loneliness. Church Equips.
• How the Church Is Addressing the Loneliness Epidemic. Relevant.
• How to help ease loneliness in your church. Single Friendly Church Network.

Photo: Kampus Production.

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